Episode 34 - How to Deal with Grief (Advice from a Coach)
Listen to the episode 👇
Episode Summary
For anyone planning a wedding with someone missing from the guest list, the question of how to hold both grief and happiness on one day can feel impossible. In this episode of The Secret Society of Brides, a UK wedding podcast, Georgie opens with some quick, practical ideas for personalising your wedding table names before sitting down with holistic grief coach Kayleigh O'Connor for an honest conversation about grief and wedding planning.
They cover why grief so often resurfaces once you're engaged or start planning, practical ways to prepare for moments on the day that might catch you off guard, a wedding paperwork detail almost nobody expects, and why the low feeling so many people get after their wedding, the 'wedding blues', is a genuine form of grief in its own right rather than something to feel guilty about. The episode closes with a listener's real, ongoing dilemma about planning a wedding while a parent's health is uncertain, and practical, compassionate advice for navigating exactly that.
It's a warm, honest episode for anyone who has ever wondered whether it's really possible to have a joyful wedding day while grieving. The answer, gently, is yes.
Key Takeaways
Grief doesn't shrink over time so much as your capacity to hold it grows. You don't get smaller grief, you get bigger.
Wedding planning often causes grief to resurface, even years after a loss, because it's a milestone that highlights who isn't there.
If a parent has died, official wedding paperwork typically records them as deceased, a small but significant detail worth preparing for in advance.
The 'wedding blues' many people feel after their wedding is a genuine form of grief: the loss of an identity and a chapter that had structure and purpose.
Grief and happiness aren't either/or on a wedding day. Both can be true at once, and neither cancels the other out.
Having a backup plan for moments that might be difficult (a speech, a song, a tradition) gives a sense of control at a time that can otherwise feel very unpredictable.
Episode FAQs
How do you deal with grief while planning a wedding?
Acknowledging grief rather than trying to suppress it is the most consistently helpful approach. This can include journaling, talking to a trusted person, working with a grief coach or counsellor, and deliberately building moments of safety and routine into wedding planning. Grief tends to resurface strongly around major milestones, so expecting and preparing for it, rather than being caught off guard, tends to make the process more manageable.
Do you have to acknowledge a deceased parent on official wedding paperwork?
In the UK, official marriage documentation that records a parent's details typically notes if they have died. This is a standard administrative requirement rather than a personal choice, and it can be an unexpectedly emotional moment for people who haven't anticipated it. Briefing your registrar or officiant in advance can help this moment feel less abrupt.
What is anticipatory grief?
Anticipatory grief is grief that begins before a loss actually happens, for example when a loved one has a terminal or serious illness. It differs from grief after a death because it exists alongside ongoing uncertainty about timing, which can create a persistent, unsettled emotional state rather than a single identifiable point of loss.
How do you handle grief triggers on your wedding day?
Identify likely triggers in advance, such as a particular song, a speech, an empty seat or a tradition, and agree a plan or backup plan for those moments. Brief suppliers and key guests so they know what to expect, and choose a trusted person who can check in on you without needing an explanation. Building in breaks during the day, rather than expecting to be 'on' the entire time, also helps.
Why do people get the 'wedding blues' after their wedding?
The wedding blues are often described as a form of grief. After months or years of planning towards a single day, that structure and sense of purpose disappears all at once and ordinary life resumes. The feeling isn't about regretting the wedding itself; it reflects the loss of an identity, routine and anticipation that defined a significant period of time.